Monday, December 3, 2012

Round 2.

The date is "set" again hopefully this time it sticks.   December 17th 2012 is the last day this tumor will know my body. The functional MRI came back and the tumor was a "safeish" distance from any vital areas in my brain.  The doctors said I could go either way, awake or asleep. The explorer and adventurist part of me wanted to do it awake while the safe and rational Ryan was more for the asleep.  In the end I decided to do the procedure while under and my rationale was a two part decision: 1) the doctor informed me that during the awake procedure they will constantly be talking to me and at the first sign of any impairment on me they will abort the procedure. This is definitely the safer way, but since they are going to be working in my brain chances are I could lose a bit of speech during the procedure.  The thing is, the tumor is not that "close" to my primary speech center.  This is where the majority of my speech comes from and as long as this area stays o.k. chances are I will eventually regain all speech functions.  I would hate to do an awake surgery, have my speech become impaired and they abort it only to have my speech eventually return to normal.  So yea, I will be taking a smaller risk and could potentially come out of this with some tough times in communication, but they seem semi-optimistic that it would eventually all return.  (Doctors are very tricky in their wording and leave every possible door open just to cover their asses, it is quite amusing.)  As far as speech goes it is an interesting thing that happens.  I will know exactly what I want to say in my mind, but my brain won't communicate those thoughts properly to my mouth to allow me to verbalize them.  So when I see you post-op, don't laugh at me when I can't complete my sentences =).  The second reason I decided to do this asleep is because I simply feel more comfortable with Dr. Chen.  Dr. Pikul seemed like he wanted to do the awake procedure just because he could.  I could be extremely off base and I am sure he has the best intentions, but I just seemed to get a safer and more confident feeling from Dr. Chen.  That being said, both doctors are extremely well qualified, educated and fantastic doctors and I had to make a choice.     



This guys days are numbered #December17

Pondering how I could get my brain to look like that again.
This whole road has been such a crazy road, it still has not yet sunk in.  I do not think it ever will sink in.  It is hard for me to imagine my own body trying to kill itself (myself)?  It is quite a strange feeling to have your body suddenly turn against you and I truly hope none of my friends ever have to go through this.  You guys have been amazing, awesome, loving, thoughtful, tremendous and every other positive word I can think of and I can not thank everyone enough.  This is definitely going to be step one of about 25,000, but every journey starts somewhere.  I have meetings with oncologists, anesthesiologists and every other "gist" you can think of on the Friday before the procedure.  I would love more than anything to see all my friends the following day (Saturday the 15th) at a place soon to be determined.  I hope you all are doing exceptionally and see you you all soon!    

I will leave you today with a quote from our ex-president Mr. George W. Bush,

'I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here.''

—President George W. Bush, at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002

Ryan
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5 comments:

  1. You are definitely going to be seeing a Speech Therapist!!! :) Wish I was close enough to help out...I work with people post neurological deficits everyday!! I am thinking about yall! Keep your spirits up! -Addie

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ryan, your grandfather gave me the label "verbose" & much like me you have lots of words to explain what you are saying. There are times I wish I could say the same thing in fewer words. Anyway--you will have very little trouble finding your words. Your writing is awesome & wonderfully informative. Your positive thoughts & attitude will carry you through your challenges. Love & prayers, Aunt Sue

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hello Coach (Ryan),
    You are truly an amazing young man. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are one of the most inspiring persons we know. Our thoughts and prayers are with you always. Praying for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery.
    God Bless,
    Lujan Family (Julian, Richard, and Jennifer)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hello Ryan
    My name is Virginia, I work at Jobs Magazine/Recycler in the same office with your Dad, I heard about your tumor few weeks ago and I started praying for you; I also asked my whole church to lift you up in prayer for healing. Even though I don't know you, I feel a heavy burden for you, you are in my thoughts and prayers every day. I did not know how to reach you so I remember your Dad mentioned you had a blog, I am not familiar with blogging so I hope this message gets to you. I want to tell you that the Lord Jesus Christ LOVES You so very much and I am sure He wants to bless you, heal you and save you.
    Several years ago my sister (she was in her early thirties had an internal bleeding in her brain, with no previous symptoms she found herself in the hospital with tremendous headaches. This happened in Mexicali Mexico; Her condition was so severe that she had to be transported by airplane to the City of Mexico to have a serious brain surgery; My church and I were praying day and night. I remember one night that I was so afraid to lose my sister that I got on my knees and cried out to God for the entire night, before I knew it I saw daylight as I kept on asking for God's mercy. When she arrived to the Hospital in Mexico they performed another X-ray as routine before the surgery, to all the surgeons' surprise the x-ray showed her ripped vein put together as if some body had already performed the surgery, YES! I know who did! the Almighty GOD did!! doctors could not understand nor explain what had happened, they kept her for few days trying to figure it out, they finally dismissed her from the hospital and she returned to Mexicali where the doctors continued to run tests and tried to understand what had taken place. They prescribed some kind of medication but my sister called me one day telling me that she felt really bad after taking the medication which she was supposed to take for life. I told her to stop the medication for we believed and saw proof she was completely healed! she did and she felt well again like nothing had ever happened. 20 something years later she is still alive and well PRAISE GOD!!
    Ryan, just as the Bible reveals many many miracles if we have faith to believe that He is powerful to do all things because;
    Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:8
    Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” Mark 9:23 &27
    “With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible.”
    The LORD has appeared of old to me, saying: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you. Jeremiah 31:3
    With LOVE in Christ
    Virginia J

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hello Ryan
    My name is Virginia, I work at Jobs Magazine/Recycler in the same office with your Dad, I heard about your tumor few weeks ago and I started praying for you; I also asked my whole church to lift you up in prayer for healing. Even though I don't know you, I feel a heavy burden for you, you are in my thoughts and prayers every day. I did not know how to reach you so I remember your Dad mentioned you had a blog, I am not familiar with blogging so I hope this message gets to you. I want to tell you that the Lord Jesus Christ LOVES You so very much and I am sure He wants to bless you, heal you and save you.
    Several years ago my sister (she was in her early thirties had an internal bleeding in her brain, with no previous symptoms she found herself in the hospital with tremendous headaches. This happened in Mexicali Mexico; Her condition was so severe that she had to be transported by airplane to the City of Mexico to have a serious brain surgery; My church and I were praying day and night. I remember one night that I was so afraid to lose my sister that I got on my knees and cried out to God for the entire night, before I knew it I saw daylight as I kept on asking for God's mercy. When she arrived to the Hospital in Mexico they performed another X-ray as routine before the surgery, to all the surgeons' surprise the x-ray showed her ripped vein put together as if some body had already performed the surgery, YES! I know who did! the Almighty GOD did!! doctors could not understand nor explain what had happened, they kept her for few days trying to figure it out, they finally dismissed her from the hospital and she returned to Mexicali where the doctors continued to run tests and tried to understand what had taken place. They prescribed some kind of medication but my sister called me one day telling me that she felt really bad after taking the medication which she was supposed to take for life. I told her to stop the medication for we believed and saw proof she was completely healed! she did and she felt well again like nothing had ever happened. 20 something years later she is still alive and well PRAISE GOD!!
    Ryan, just as the Bible reveals many many miracles if we have faith to believe that He is powerful to do all things because;
    Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:8
    Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” Mark 9:23 &27
    “With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible.”
    The LORD has appeared of old to me, saying: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you. Jeremiah 31:3
    With LOVE in Christ
    Virginia J

    ReplyDelete