Grade IV Glioblastoma Multiforme

Before I get into my diagnosis, let me preface this all by saying I will survive this.  I will carry on and you all will get sick of me one day.  I am not ignorant and this diagnosis was the complete opposite of what I was hoping for.  I recall reading about Grade IV GBM's (GBM's are what we call them in the biz) and thinking, "Wow, I hope I don't have that."  Well, I do.  This is not easy to say and I know once you all 'google' my diagnosis you will understand why I am not in as high of spirits as I once was.  (I think I am allowed an hour or two of initial shock, but I will get over it.)  This particular cancer has a shelf life of about 1-2 years after diagnosis.  This timeline doesn't even get me to 30 and I am not ok with that.   Listening to the doctor tell me I am a Grade IV Glioblastoma (aka the worst and most aggressive brain cancer known) was like sitting through my death sentence in court.  It was hard- to say the least...  I always tried to mentally prepare myself for the worst case scenario...  But at the same time I always held out the hope that I would have some good news.  Today I got the worst case scenario.  Today I was told that I have the most aggressive form of brain cancer.  A little known fact is that this particular cancer is supposed to only be present in people over the age of 50.  I am 27.  Im nearly half the age I am supposed to be when this cancer is meant to show it's ugly head.  I don't think that this is fair, but nobody ever said life is fair and I am sure as hell not going to start complaining today.  Life is an interesting journey.  It will take you on roads you never pictured nor wished yourself upon.  Once you are on these paths, this is where you are truly tested.  These paths are what define you as a person and dependent upon how we react in times of trial is how I think our lives will one day be gauged.  I am staying strong, I am fighting with every ounce of fiber in my being.  I am 27 years old and I have no intentions of leaving this life this young.
 Life is not easy, life is not clean and life is certainly a mystery.  I will beat this.  I HAVE to beat this.  

Going forward I was not given too many options.  The diagnosis of my 'condition' is pretty much worse case scenario already.  I have seen first hand the effects of chemo and radiation and it is not fun at all.  Given my situation however, there is no other choice.  As I have said since the beginning, I do not have a death wish and if the doctor says I need to do something to survive, I will do it.  I will begin a pretty intense therapy of chemo 7 days a week (Temodar) accompanied with radiation 5 days a week.  This will truly be a test of wills and I know what I will be facing.  It is not going to be fun and I am prepared -literally for the fight of my life.    

I look back on the past 3 months and still do not fully comprehend everything that has happened.  I am still recovering from a pretty invasive brain surgery procedure and on top of that I am now dealing with a diagnosis that could potentially end my life before 30.  If this is not life being life, I do not know what is.  Things I used to stress about seem so mundane now.  I used to worry about things that this morning seem like the most pointless and undeserving subjects.  It is strange how in life we always try our hardest to live, but never truly live.  We get caught up in our careers and our relationships and end up wasting time on stuff that does not really matter.  Life is not about the small things.  Life is about how much you can help other people, life is about what differences you make in other peoples lives and how you positively affect those around you.  Sitting on your couch watching paid programs is not what humans are meant to do.  We need to get out and live a life worth living.  Punching in and out of your 9-5 is not enough.  Going through the motions is not enough.  Taking life by the horns and doing something with the extremely small amount of time you are given on earth is what needs to be done.  Don't wait until you are faced with your own mortality to decide to start living, don't allow yourself excuses to put things off.  Live in the moment and help people.  Help people and by helping others you will see you are truly helping yourself.     

I can not express my gratitude for all of my friends, family and strangers who find my story inspiring. I did not chose this path for myself, but I will bear it as long as I can.  I will stay strong and failure is not an option for me.  I love you all and you guys make me what I am.

Thank you so much.

Here is a small clip of me getting my staples taken out.  Probably one of the more painful things I have been through.  =)

Before and after surgery.  The film on the right shows almost a complete resection of the tumor.  A good start!

You and me both brother!

Ouuuuuuuuuuucccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Waking up this morning I began anew.  Another life started when I was told I might be on my last leg of life at 27, this life is now directed and has meaning.  I plan on living the shit out of life and I won't ever forget to be thankful for every second I have on this strange planet.

xx
Ryan