Sunday, January 27, 2013

Two weeks down...


Only 4 weeks, or 21 rounds of radiation left.  Oh and another extra few weeks of chemo.  And then there is the rest of my life.  My life which is now completely and utterly different in every way imaginable.  Everything about me is different, my attitude on life, my philosophy and inspirations, my goals, dreams, wants and needs, my mental and physical health and everything in between.  It is a long road and it is the rest of my life.  Something like a GBM does not just vanish one day, it might go into remission, but there is always going to be a chance that it will one day come back.  I will do everything I can to win this battle and keep it gone for as long as my body will allow me.  This is important to me and it is important to the ones who love me, I have to fight and I have to win.  

Natashia had a long talk with me on Friday night, a talk that needed to be had.  I can honestly say up until then, I might not have been taking this seriously enough.  This is literally my life at stake.  This cancer will take over 90% of the people it infects within the first two years.  That means that 9 out of 10 will not live 3 years past their diagnosis.  I have been so optimistic and trying so hard to find the right answers that I kind of forgot exactly what I am up against.  I was putting things off and not wanting to spend the money which was donated to help me in this battle unless I was COMPLETELY certain that it would benefit in my battle.  I DO NOT want to waste people's money who care for me and are entrusting me to make the right decisions in regards to how it is spent.  The thing is though, there is no 'right answer.'  There are many possible treatments, there are numerous outlets and thousands of theories.  All of which I have read over and studied, but still can not find the answer I want.  The answer will never be found because there is not an answer.  After Natashia knocked some sense into me, I realized I need to just make some decisions, cross my fingers and hope that together we can all beat this.  It has been tough for me to accept that there is a chance that I might not see 30 and part of me wants to take every day and explore and experience things I have dreamt about since a boy, but the rational and logical fighter in me knows that this will get me no where.  I need to fight this with all I can and make well informed decisions.  There are people who care for and love me.  There are few things we can say for certain about this mysterious life we live, but I think it is well understood that our time on this planet is meaningful and we are here for one reason or another.  What that reason is will remain a mystery until each one of our hearts stop beating, but until that time I want to stay here as long as I can and spend time with the people who mean the most to me.  Death can wait for me, not the other way around.

I am now done with my second week of treatment, it has been an interesting ride with exceptional highs and not so fun lows.  The first few days were rough and I think my body needed to get used to the copious amounts of foreign toxins that were flooded into my veins at a rate which I have never experienced.  I woke up nearly every night for the first few days nauseated and a nice little headache (which I think is due to the radiation.)  As of last Saturday I felt human again.  I went out to celebrate the beautiful Brighton B's Bday at an exceptional brunch on the beach front.  I enjoyed feeling the sun again and seeing friends who truly care about how I am.  Sunday I woke up energized and I did not nap once throughout the day (I think this is the second time since surgery I have made a whole day without a nap!)  Then week two started and it has been a bit more bumpy then I was hoping for.  I have had a couple bad days, but mostly good ones.  I am not complaining or reaching for sympathy, I am simply telling my story.  I knew this was going to be tough and I was lucky the first week went as well as it did.  I have also learned lessons, such as dont take 10 different pills on an empty stomach then drink your first cup of coffee in over a month on an empty stomach.   This will lead to a not very fun next 6 hours.  I also learned to switch sides of my abdomen for my injections.  Staying on the same side will lead to a small baby appearing overnight.  I guess I am learning on the fly and thats really the only choice I have.  =)

This past week I began recording my radiation therapies in the form of stop motion using my phone.

5 days of radiation   <--Click the link to check it out!

It is an extremely easy process which takes less than 10 minutes usually.  The staff and nurses are exceptionally awesome, nice, informative and knowledgeable and always answer my 10,000 questions I have for them.  They don't even care that I seem to have a new visitor with me every treatment who wants to see 'The Ark!"  The process of the radiation is simple, albeit very uncomfortable especially for anyone who suffers from any type of claustrophobia.  It is not the process that bothers me as there is no pain, smell, feeling or anything other than me laying on a table listening to a loud buzz.  What bothers me is the fact that I know I am exposing myself to extremely toxic and lethal substances that have long term side effects.  I am doing everything I can to rid myself of this ailment, I just hope and pray I am not doing it at the expense of my future health.  (Fingers crossed)

I continue to enjoy life more and more, my friends are coming to visit me and I am doing things I never thought I would want or need to do.  My passion for photography has re-emerged and I am walking the streets of LA finding amazing art everywhere.  Living in LA is a fun and interesting time. I love being able to walk anywhere I want and living on Sunset makes it an easy trek up to observatory which has the most amazing views of the city.  I also frequent the 'church' of scientology to catch up on my cult lifestyle gossip and try to get them to tell me the secret of life (unsuccessful thus far.)

Going forward I have another 4 weeks of radiation, a lot more chemo and the trial drug Velcade will continue on until either I decide to stop or they think it has worked or will have no chance of helping anymore.  I have meetings with my surgeon, Dr. Chen who got me on the path to recovery with an amazingly smooth and basically total resection of the tumor in December.  This was an important first step in the process and am thankful he did his job as well as he did.  Going through 6 or 7 surgeons to get to him seems worth it now!  I also will be meeting with my nutritionist and trying to figure out how I can change my lifestyle in order to further my chances at a victory in this war.  Diet and lifestyle DO DIRECTLY impact your chances at cancer, don't let the media or doctors fool you into thinking it is all decided by your genes and there is nothing you can do to control it.  There might be certain traits you are destined with, but for the most part cancer is not one of them and I truly believe that.  I am not a trained physician in any means, but I have learned enough about oncology to draw an opinion of my own.

I am extremely excited for the next few weeks.  My family is coming down from Portland to visit and February 9th is the benefit show!  February 10th, the awesome people at Carnelian Salon in Pasadena are doing a 'cut-a-thon' to help out as much as they can and I am uberly excited to call them my friends now!  It is from 9am-2pm so if you are looking a little shaggy, go get a cut for a cause =).   I am still overwhelmed by all the support and love I have gotten from everyone.  It is a beautiful testament to the people in my life, you guys are amazing, strong, supportive, loving and most of all care about me.  I often think that thanks are not even enough, but it is all I have right now, but when this is over I plan on making all of your lives special in one way or another.  Monday also marks the 3rd year Natashia and I have been together. I plan on another 50, if she'll keep me that is!  She has been amazing and strong through all of this and I can not thank her enough.  

My friends love Sadie Hawkins so much they celebrate it once a week!

The bday brunch crew for Brighton B!

A couple babes.  And me.

Scott loves his duck face.

One of the coolest girls I know.


Chris is alive!!!  I was confused, thought he got smuggled into Mexico or something.

Blood work like it's my job!  And she was a cool nurse.

The amazing Stacy Cato and the babe organizing the shirts!

Like I said, blood work like it's my job!!  Thats 18 viles of blood in one sitting.  (A personal best)
Sorry for the long delay in between posts, have been quite busy as you can see!  I won't let it happen again!

"Many people will live their entire lives without ever living."  Author unknown.

xx
FTGF.
Ryan
And heres the link again for the stop motion radiation

Radiation Treatment

  

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Treatment: Day 1

High school...  I think that was the last time I knew exactly what I wanted, should and needed to do.  It is all too often that us as humans as a whole fall into routines we do not really appreciate nor want.  We take the job that pays the most.  We settle for what we think we deserve, but deep down know we know we are meant for more.  We do not take time out of our days to appreciate life.  We forget and take for granted what we absolutely adored in our youth.  Our minds become institutionalized on the daily grind of what we think we need.  We collect 'things' we think we need to modify and enhance our lives, but only later we find these things eventually begin to become more important to us then the ones we love.  I fully understand, appreciate and RESPECT the work we put in on a daily basis.  This is the motor that keeps our world moving and if we all decided to quit our jobs the economy as we know it would collapse and we would hate life even more then we did while working.  What I do not agree with is how we spend our free time.  Some people choose to spend their free time sitting on their couches, computers or video game consoles.  This is not life, this is wasting time with yourself and wasting a valuable resource to human civilization.  We can give back to what life has given us.  As children we did not have a care in the world, all that we worried about was when the next time was that we could go outside and play.  We grow up and blow away in a sense.  We forget what we loved and become corrupted by the want and need for money and in turn more 'things.'

I have lived this lie since high school.  I always wanted the next cool gadget or the nicer car.  I wanted to earn money so I can spend it on stuff that I really do not need.  There are a few things in my life that I can honestly say I need, the rest is all just taking up space.  Today I have direction.  Today I woke up and for the first time since I can remember said thank you for another day.  I have people in my life who love me and I in turn love them.  This is what is important to me now.  Now I have a meaning; through all of this my life has turned into more than just me.  I realize now what I wish I had always known.  This epiphany happened once before when my mother passed, but like life does - it went on.  I grew older and began to forget what I learned from my mother's suffering.  Be grateful for everyday you wake up.  Remember to tell the ones you love what they mean to you.  Don't waste your time and energy on things that do not really matter and most of all this life is NOT all about yourself.  There are plenty of people out there that suffer far greater than you.  Everyone needs to realize this: there are people out there worse off then you.  Life may seem impossible at times and your self pity might run extremely high at some points, but don't forget that you most likely still have it easy compared to what some people are going through.  And I am not talking about myself, I have an ailment yes, but I will fight it, I will survive.  There are people out there far younger, stronger and amazingly epic who are fighting wars that are exponentially worse then anything I will ever face.  We need to remember that even though we may never meet them, they are out there and in turn we have no right to feel sorry for ourselves.

*
*
Yesterday was my first day of treatment.  I honestly knew one thing: I am going to have more drugs ni my body then I ever have in my life.  I HATE taking medications.  I despise the pharmaceutical industry and everything they have become.  Drugs are not the answer for most of our problems, but I understand what I am up against and this time I have to give in.  My body will become the link of man and medicine and we will see what modern science can accomplish along with a stubborn and unrelenting patient that has no time for this nonsense.  

My day started at around 6am.  Waking up and knowing what I was in for was kind of unsettling, but I was excited to take the first step.  Any cancer patient will tell you it is always the waiting that is the hardest, whether it is waiting for your test results or waiting to hear news - the waiting is the hardest part.  Natashia and I headed out to UCLA for my first injection of the trial drug Velcade.  The nurses went over copious amounts of paperwork, possible side effects and everything that I have heard 35 times already.  2 hours later I got my injection right into my belly (yes it hurt) and I was off.  By the way if you ever go to UCLA's medical school, invest in a compas and perhaps a personal GPS system. The place is huge and very easy to get lost.

The drive from UCLA to my apartment off sunset was nice.  We drove through Brentwood and past Bel Air and then down the sunset strip.  It is a part of LA I need to experience more and now that it is home, I think I might make more of an effort to see some of the things LA has to offer.  We arrived at my apartment, checked in and unpacked.  This is around the time I felt like I was going to fall asleep standing.  They told me it might make me tired, but I under estimated their claim.  So I hit the bed and was out.  My awesome and beautiful gf went to target to get some items we needed and I slept.  A nice nap and an hour or so later and it was time to get my daily dose of poison to my brain.  

My dad and step mom came up to support me through my new step in life.  We walked over to the clinic and checked in.  I met a couple of the nurses and waited for my name to be called.  Once my name was called they took me back to "The Ark."  Yes, their radiation rooms are all named and mine is called "The Ark."  I was realllllly hoping I would get "Megatron" but I guess The Ark is a cool second.  The radiation treatment is certainly an experience.  They strap my face to a table, push me under a giant sphere UFO looking thing and leave the room.  They then do an X-Ray to double and triple check the area is correct and then I get to sit for about 15 minutes while my brain is pumped with poison.  The entire things takes less than 30 minutes.  But understand, 30 minutes strapped to a table barely able to breathe through a mask and not able to move AT ALL seems more like a few hours.  It is something I will certainly have to get used to.  

A nice walk back to the apartment and it is nearly dinner time.  Tasha cooked some chicken and asparagus (part of my new no sugar, no carbohydrate diet which I will explain later.)  I am now on chemo, it is in my body and I have no idea what it is doing.  I know what to expect and I am hoping I do not experience most of what I know I potentially can experience.  The chemo I took right before I went to bed.  I also took an anti-nausea (which didn't help all that much.)  I woke a few times throughout the night not feeling so hot and trying to force myself back to sleep was a fun task.  They say to wait an hour or two after eating before you take these poison tablets, but I think tonight I will give it at least 3 hours.  I eventually slept through the night and woke up this morning.  I said goodbye to Natashia and I am now at home in Ryan's Residing Radiation Residence (What I will call my apartment for the next 2 months) all by myself.  Today I have another dose of brain poison at 1:40 and more chemo.  This will continue the same everyday Monday through Friday and the only change will be on the weekends.  Saturday and Sunday my brain gets a break from the poison, but my body doesn't.  I will continue my chemotherapy for 42 straight days and my Velcade will be done basically 4 days every 2 weeks repeating.  Along with 400 medications, my treatments and a soon to be depleting memory, I think a calendar is order!  

That was my first day, this was my first step in a process that has been done by many before me and will continue on until there is a cure.  It is the next step in my battle against the little monster in my head.  The next 42 days will be a test on my body, mind and spirit.  There will be lows, but I know there will be just as many highs.  Sitting in the waiting room of the oncology center, I saw so many people fighting the same battle as me.  They were all much older and many looked like they had already given up and thrown in the flag on their battle.  Cancer is a terrible disease and I know coming to grips with your own mortality is a trying experience.  We all have things to live for and there is no reason to ever give up.  It was a somber and sad room and I decided right then and there that I will never become one of them.  I will stay strong and no matter what I will be appreciative for everyday I am given.  
*

Welcome to the battle friends, I hope you are all up for it and together we will get through this, I promise.

"Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect."  Author unknown.

FTGF
xx,
Ryan
The fun begins!
Chemo. Sucks. Balls.

Getting sick of seeing these.


Blood or black tar?


Monday, January 14, 2013

Doctors, doctors and a couple more doctors.


The past week has been an interesting turn in our journey.  I am learning more and more about oncology, health and the brain everyday.  I can honestly say by the end of this I will basically be a borderline doctor and probably more knowledgeable then some of the ones I have seen lately.  Learning more and more everyday, it is becoming more and more clear to me that doctors can in some ways be blinded by their education.  It is sad, but I think they eventually become too scientific and forget that the human body is an amazing and complex machine that actually has the power to do more than we give it credit for.  NONE of my doctors have ever once said anything to me about diet, exposure to toxins, style of life, travel experiences, or the combination of them all.  When I inquire about what I can do on my end to help, all they have for me is to maintain a positive outlook and stay happy, get some exercise and eat your vegetables.  How can a DOCTOR not know basic human anatomy and the effects of what we put in our bodies?  It truly boggles my mind and I almost find it sad that modern science is turning the human body into a science project as opposed to learning about how it managed to maintain itself for the past million or so years.

Last Monday I went to UCLA Medical School and met with some clinical drug trial doctors whom are currently working on a drug which shows some promise of treating GBM's.  The drug is called Velcade and would be taken in conjunction with my chemo and radiation on the 1st, 4th, 8th, and 11th day repeating with a two week break after the 11th day.  This would continue on for "as long as thought needed."  I am still not sure how I feel about this drug and seeing as how there is no guarente and would involve a lot of extra driving on top of what will already be a strenuous and tough time in my life.  The doctors I met with were very kind and the nurse practitioner even gave me a handicap placard for those days when my treatments get me a wee bit fatigued.  

Prior to my UCLA meeting I met with the radiology doctor who will be in charge of carrying out my daily dose of what I like to call brain poison.  She went through, in quite vigorous detail exactly what I should and will expect going forward with my treatments.  Radiation is not healthy nor natural.   Radiation pumped into your brain is not healthy.  Your brain is your entire being, it is your personality, your memories, your movements and everything in between.  Your brain is your sense of being and without it, we would be nothing more then robots.  Exposing my sense of being to extreme amounts of poison does not sound pleasing and I am not looking forward to it in the least.  This is basically the 'standard' for GBM's and without it, it is said I would probably not make it to my 29th bday.  Now I am sure you can see why I am taking this route.
*
*
Tomorrow marks a new chapter in my life.  I will begin treatments for one of the most aggressive forms of brain cancer a human can have.  The first step was taking the monster out and it was a good first step.  I did another MRI Monday morning and can honestly say for the first time in this whole experience I was very nervous and a bit scared.  I have now done about 6 or so MRI's and this was the first time I really did not know what to expect.  The form of cancer I am battling is known to be aggressive...  Extremely aggressive.  It can grow back to full size and plus some within less than a month.  It had been 3 weeks since my surgery and this MRI was going to show just how aggressive my cancer wants to be.  I am certainly not a doctor and I do not know exactly how to read MRI's and judge the different scans, but from my experience looking at them - I think the tumor only grew back minimally.  The report which I got with it kind of affirmed this while stating, "Minimal regrowth which could possibly be scar tissue or excess swelling from the procedure."   Getting some sort of good news through this is always pleasing, albeit good is becoming more and more of an arbitrary term these days.

The next 8 weeks will be spent in and out of hospitals, driving from UCLA to Kaiser and back again.  Thus, I will be moving to LA for the duration of my therapies (except most weekends I will be back in town.)  Through Kaiser, I have an apartment not too far from the hospital and 2 cozy twin size beds.  So if anyone ever wants to come spend the night and play some intense scrabble or watch a movie, I have a bed for ya!  I know I will enjoy anyones company and the more the merrier!

Once again, I want to thank everyone for their support.  It truly inspires and motivates me to push even harder, and live even stronger then before.  You guys are the reason I am in such high spirits even with such a grim horizon in view.  I have cancer, it does not have me.  I will beat this and one day we will all laugh at the little monster who thought he stood a chance.

Teddy Roosevelt said it best, "Believe you can and you are already half way there."

FTGF,
Ryan

xx

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Moving Forward

It might not be the easiest thing to do, but it is certainly not the hardest.  Moving forward after a terminal diagnosis is in a way a new beginning.  It is like a new book yet to be written.  The outcome is up in the air and the chapters will be written in the coming months.  I know they are few and far between, but people have beat this monster.  People are 10-15 years living past their diagnosis tumor free and healthy.  I plan on being in that minority and living the shit out of life.  Most people live their entire lives in question; worrying, stressing, hurting and wanting, wanting, wanting.  I have found since December 26th I have found a strange sense of peace.  One would think it would be the opposite, but I know that anyway this goes I am happy with the way I have lived my life.  You become so much more appreciative of everyday, every person and every moment shared with the ones you love and who love you.  Food seems to taste better and even though I am still healing from my surgery, I have felt healthier than I can remember in a long time both mentally and physically.  I enjoy every encounter with the people in my  life and appreciate everything they have to offer, every flaw and every beautiful thing about everyone.  Now moving forward I am focusing on healing.  I am devoting every ounce of being to beating this ailment.  I will take every step I can in the direction of healing and overcoming what so many have passed from.  It will be a monumental day and a grand celebration when I know inside that I have beat this.  It will be the best day of my life, and moving forward I will forever know how precious life truly is.  

It is a strange thing knowing that my brain has switched teams and is now trying to carryout execution orders on itself.  It is almost as if my brain is forcing me to commit suicide, seeing as how it is my brain- ironic isn't it.  It almost angers me in a sense that I truly felt that I have treated my body well and have tried to make the right decisions health wise, yet I fell victim to the dreaded 'C word."  Sure I have had my share of fast food, surfed in waters I know I probably should have avoided, and perhaps exposed myself to some toxins unknowingly, but all I am left with is questions.  Where did this come from and how at such a young age am I falling victim to a disease that affects less than 1% of people under 30.  This is the hardest part to accept, this is the part that I find ironic and unsettling.  There is so much speculation and every person has their own idea of how this dreaded ailment begins, but the truth is that nobody really knows.  It is a big of a mystery as is why we are all here in the first place.  

Moving forward I have a tentative plan of action although nothing is set in stone.  As of now I am asking anyone who has experience with any form of cancer to send me any information you might have.  I am open to try anything that has worked for others.  If it has worked before, maybe it can work again!  I still want to get to Houston to hear what the people at the Burzynski Clinic have to say on my diagnosis.  I have my doubts and I have heard both the positive and negative, but I want to hear what they have to say to me personally.  Aside from that, my course of action will be laid out for me on Monday and Tuesday.  I will have to decide exactly what I will be doing by January 14th.    This is when they want me to start chemo and radiation.  On Tuesday I will be meeting with the neuro-oncology department of UCLA medical school to learn about a trial drug being passed through the system called "Velcade."  Not too sure how it works or what it is, but I will find out everything on Tuesday.  Monday is my initial appointment with the radiation team which will decide how to proceed.  Monday is also a day I am fearing.  The cancer which I have is known to grow back- extremely fast.  I will be doing another MRI scan to see how much (or if any) of the tumor has returned already.  From what I have heard, these tumors can grow back within a month to full size.  I am praying that mine is the exception!  

After I hear from all of the doctors, see my MRI results and do some heavy soul searching I will make my 'final' decision on what road I will ultimately take.  I am already certainly going to be changing my diet completely.  I will also be looking into things like intravenous vitamin c injections, mushroom supplements, and any other crazy Eastern remedy that may or may not work.  I said it from day 1, I will fight this with everything I have.  With my friends, family and anybody who wants to join us we will weather this storm together.  

I am beyond thankful for everyone who has helped, donated, prayed, or done anything for me.  I hope in return I am inspiring you to live a life worth living.  I hope that one day I can truly repay you all for everything.  I have been receiving e-mails from people all over the world and for all of my new friends, welcome to the party!  I hope you all follow up and join me on this 'epic battle.'  A special thank you to my wonderful girlfriend Natashia, she has been so strong and my rock.  She is a champion and I love her!  My family has been exceptionally awesome and thank you guys for all the help!  Thank you to everyone in Portland and especially the folks at Hand and Stone and everyone else in Portland, OR I have never met, but find it in their hearts to help me.  And thank you to all my friends.  You guys have kept my mind occupied when I need occupation the most.  Thank you to all my new friends who have joined me on this path to recovery, you guys inspire me as much as I inspire you and without you all, I don't know where I would be.  We are truly in this together and I know first hand that often times those who love the one in pain often hurt worse than the one suffering.  I am here to asure you all I will be just fine.  Anyway this goes, I will be just fine.  I will fight the good fight and I will stay strong!

Moving forward, everyday is a new day.  Everyday is another chance to live an awesome life.  Everyday you wake up, be thankful for the ones you love and who in return love you.  It has been said since the beginning of time, you don't know when your last day here will be so live like it  like it is today. 


The artist, the piece and the guy with the head scar.
The Piece that Tony made for me!  Epic if I may say so!

I love my friends!


We are still looking for anything anyone thinks would be good for a raffle or silent auction or anything to help in the benefit show coming up.  If you or anyone you know wants to help please e-mail me at johnryancoffelt{at}gmail{dot}com.  

Follow my instagram @coffsauce for some epic battle photos and feel free to share my story with anyone!  For those asking, sorry I don't have twitter.

"Do not dwell on the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."  Buddha

FTGF,
Ryan










Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Happy New Year!

To say my year ended with a bang would be an understatement.  I think 2012 was a strange year for many of us and I for one am welcoming 2013 with open arms.  It's not that 2012 was all terrible, I started a new job, bought my first car and enjoyed some great memories with amazing friends - it was the ending that i was not too thrilled about.  Looking back, I can honestly say I wouldn't have changed a thing (aside from the obvious.)

I am considering 2013 a new beginning.  This is the year that I prove that sometimes people can beat the cancer odds.  This is the year that I show everyone what some fight and a little hope can truly accomplish.  This is the year that I start living my life the way I have always wanted and I stop worrying and stressing about the things in life that don't really matter.  2013 will be dedicated to helping others; helping people who are worse off than I am and asking nothing in return.  This is the first chapter of my new life: "Life post terminal brain cancer diagnosis."  It is strange saying that, reading it or hearing it, but that is my new reality.  When we are faced to accept our mortality at a young age, it can be a daunting and terrifying experience.  For me it was a moment of clarity.  It reminded me of a quote that I heard a while back, "Get busy living or get busy dying."  This quote speaks volumes to me more so now than ever before.    I am setting out on a battle that might look as if there is no possible way that there can be a positive outcome, but truly is just a matter of perspective.  I have seen how terrible life can be and I have witnessed how beautiful it truly is.  This is merely an ugly chapter, it's one of those areas in a book where you wish you could speed past it and simply get to the end.  Living the words daily, my new life is one with direction and lazer focus on a simple task: everyday live my life like it is my last.  This is the ultimate goal for any human and I truly think if everyone took this mindset in a positive fashion the world would be a totally different place.

With this new mindset I am now on a path of healing.  I am 16 days out of brain surgery and all but healed (minus a copious amount of liquid in my skull swishing around constantly.)  I am diligently seeking therapies, remedies, medicines and any other voodoo cures anyone swears by.  The way i see it, if it worked for someone else, maybe it will work for me.  That being said, my diet is once again in transition.  I am switching to a raw organic cancer fighting diet that will include numerous supplements and for the most part foods that I will not enjoy.  This means I will be cutting all sugars and additives of any kind from my diet and returning to a diet that we evolved on over millions of years.  I will begin oxygen therapy in hyperbaric chambers.  I am seeking guidance from nutritionists and will be going to Houston Texas to meet with the doctors at the Burzynski Clinic (http://www.burzynskiclinic.com/) to see if they can be any help to me.  On top of all of this, I am 90% sure I will begin an intense regimen of chemo and radiation that will ultimately poison my body to a toxic level only in the hope that maybe this will help me in some way.  I will do anything in my power to rid myself of this ailment, but I do have my limits.  If this is the last leg of my journey on this planet, I plan on living my life as awesomely as I possibly can.  With this being considered, if I get to the point where it seems like I have exhausted all of my options with no chance left, I plan on living my remaining time doing the things I want to most.  I think every person deserves to live their life the way they want to for some time before they die, most people do it later in life, I happen to get the blessing of youth for my time!!

My 28th birthday is in a month and 14 days.  28 years on this little planet of ours is not a terribly large amount of time.  For most, it is dreadfully short.  For me, I am thankful for everyday I spent here and I will never complain.  I have lived my life the way I want to and I have made mistakes. I have loved and lost.  I have travelled to foreign lands and seen the beauty earth has to offer.  I have seen the ugly and everything in between.  Whether I am here for 2 more years or 50, I am appreciative for everyone I have met.  Every person has impacted me in some way and shaped me into who I am today.  I hope I have been a positive influence to everyone I have met and I apologize to everyone for my shortcomings.

"Life is crazy and then you die."  I plan on embracing life's sense of irony, beauty, disaster and everything else it has to offer.  I hope you all will do the same.

Thank you all for reading my random thoughts and thank you exponentially for everything you all have done for me.

Follow me on Instagram to see my daily photos of this journey @coffsauce


My sister and her amazing friends are planning on throwing a benefit show for me to try and raise some money for my therapies which will quickly top well over 50k.  It will likely be in early - mid February and they are taking anything you have to offer.   If you or anyone you know wants any information about the show please e-mail me at johnryancoffelt{at}gmail{dot}com and I will put you in contact with the necessary people.

Thank you all again,

xx
My New Year consisted of Walking Dead, Pizza and a beer!
Ryan