Sunday, March 10, 2013

Today I had my first MRI post radiation and chemo.  To say I was nervous would probably be an understatement.  The hard part about all of this is not the treatment, the diagnosis, it is not the pain or any of the other million things that accompany cancer; the hard part is the waiting.  The so called 'limbo' stage where I do not know too much one way or another.  The anxiety that this causes is unreal and anyone who has or is going through cancer will tell you the same.  The waiting game is the real torture.  Once I have an answer, at least it is confirmed one way or another, until that answer is clear I still have to know that it can go either way and one of those directions is obviously a direction I am not hoping for.  I sat in the little tunnel of claustrophobia for what seemed like an eternity and the entire time I visualized myself inside my brain leading an army of battle warriors against an army of evil.  I visualized this battle taking place in the area of my tumor and it was not once sided.  I know what is happening up there and we are losing some of the good guys, but I also am certain that with every loss of one of my soldiers we are taking out 20 of the bad guys.  I did not picture a clean battle, but one of blood and massacre.  A battle that mimics many of the worst I have studied in our worlds past and I am confident that the winning side will be my team and I will forever be grateful and appreciative for my new life.

Going forward is the start of another road, this road will be tough and filled with plenty of obstacles.  I meet with my oncologist on Tuesday, she will go over my most recent MRI and I will hear what she has to say about it. As I said before, this is the first MRI post radiation and I am certain my brain probably resembles a piece of pie at this point so she wont be able to tell me too much.  This MRI will become my new 'baseline' and a month from now will be the true test to see where this monster is headed. (Get it, 'headed?')  After I meet with Emily I will shoot over to UCLA to start my next round of the trial drug I am currently on.  This is the fun part, every injection feels like fire going into my body then I become immediately tired.  After a nap I wake up with a fun rash and a couple days of swelling and I look like I am pregnant with a small alien in the side of my abdomen.  The injection sites JUST finished healing a couple days ago and now I get to start alllllllllll over again!  Ironically, I don't even know if these are helping in the battle, but I am trying everything I possibly can so a little bit of pain is just part of the game.  Tuesday will also mark the end of my 'chemocation.'  I finished my initial marathon session of chemo which consisted of 45 days straight, minus a 3 day break when my blood counts dropped very low and Tuesday I will begin chemo again.  This time the regimen will be a bit tougher though- I will be taking double the dosage of what I initially took, but only for 5 days straight.  I will then be off chemo for 25 days, then back on for 5 days double dosage again.  This will continue on for about a year or until they don't think it is necessary anymore for one reason or another.

Like I said, it is going to be a tough road and I am not sure how my body will react to doubling the dosage of chemo that I initially took.  I skated through my initial treatment and I hope that it is the same this time around, but only time will tell.  Until then, please continue those happy thoughts, prayers, mental hugs and good vibes- I am all but sure they are helping!!!!!

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Ryan and I are currently working extra hard to get the foundation up and running.  We are working with some exceptionally talented and amazing people to help us set up the groundwork and I can not be more excited to launch it.  We have some amazing ideas in the works and within the next few weeks we will be sharing a lot of information with everyone.  I truly hope you all will help out with this new foundation as much as you have helped me through this journey.  I KNOW that we can help a lot of people who need a lot of help.  Changing people's lives is an amazing feeling and having been the one in need of help for so long, now it is time for me to return the favor.  Thank you everyone and stay tuned for some awesome things coming up, I promise you it will be fun and you will be changing lives.

There is no better feeling than to know you have changed a life for the better, to know that you have impacted someone in such a way that you have completely changed their life for the better.  No amount of money nor material possessions will ever equal the feeling of inspiring someone.

FTGF,
Ryan
xo

15 years later, still an amazing group of guys.  CREDO

2 comments:

  1. Ryan,
    I just heard that you got your results back and that you received good news! I am beyond happy to hear that! Small victories... just more proof that you will beat this!

    Sending continued thoughts, prayers and good vibes your way!

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  2. My father is currently in the waiting period for his MRI results. He's not the only one getting frustrated with waiting; the whole family really wants to find out, so we can prepare ourselves for whichever path we need to take. Our consolation is that they're thoroughly analyzing their findings and thinking of the best possible treatment for him. Thank you for sharing your journey, Ryan! Best regards!

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