Thursday, August 8, 2013

Lola, you are my hero.

People always immediately look for answers or justification when a tragedy happens.  We need closure or an answer.  We need to find meaning in things that seem so terrible or else it makes it that much harder to cope.  Lola's death is a tragedy.  It is terrible that such an amazing young women was taken so early.  But that is what death is, it is tragic by definition.  It is the ultimate end and the final period.  After my diagnosis I have looked at life very differently.  I now notice things and understand things that I may not have understood before.  Maybe it is just me looking for answers like everyone else, but the conclusion that I have come to is that everyone has a role to play in this little land we call Earth.  I could be wrong and probably am, but I believe we are all meat to do something here, there are the bad entities that try to stray us from our path and they are the ones who were lost on their path by someone or something else.  Lola's path was perfect.  She did exactly what she needed to do.  Her life was cut short, but she has touched thousands of people in one way or another.  And those thousands of people will in turn act out in honor of Lola, and who knows who they will inspire going forward- her life is endless in many ways because her life has no doubt started a ripple effect in a positive direction.

I spent one day, not even 6 hours with her and in that time, she left a mark on me that will shape the way I live the rest of my life.  In our brief encounter I could feel her energy like a the feeling you get standing too close to a powerful magnet.  Her soul resonated with beauty and no matter how much she threw up she managed to smile after.  I watched a 16 year old women suffering from a terrible form of cancer that not only caused pain, but wrecked havoc on her breathing and all the fun nausea, vomiting, fatigue and anxiety that we get to endure as a cancer family.  Pain is bad enough, she got the trifecta.  Sometimes it takes a tragedy to make the world a better place and losing Lola has no doubt inspired me once again.  I want to thank you Lola, you truly changed my outlook on what was already a skewed perspective.  I am bummed we are going to miss our date in New York watching the ball drop for our first time together, but when I finally go you will be with me.  I mourn you today and I am sure for a long time to come, but I know what I have to do and I know you are a part of the reason I have to do it.

In my mind, I know what my end game can be.  I know what I am up against and it scares me sometimes.  I put on a good face, but there are times where I do get scared and anxious that I might not make it to 30.  Treatment is hard and fighting this cancer wears on me.  I'll have been on chemo of one sort or another for over 180 days, 30 days of high dose radiation under my belt, countless IV's, blood draws, labs, MRI's, scans, appointments and who knows what else when I finish all of this and then I get to go into 'remission' if I am lucky.  And even in 'remission' I will still be doing MRI's every 2 or 3 months for the rest of my life.  It is a lot of pain, it is hard and it sucks, but watching Lola fight for so long put even more perspective into my life.  After watching Lola go through what she went through, I no longer have any of the fears that I had before.  Now, I simply hope that in the time I have, whether it is 2 years or 52 years that I can help to inspire some people the way that Lola inspired me.

"I love you to the moon and back."
Lauren 'Lola' Scott

xo
FTGF,
Ryan Coffelt

Little Kings- Helping Young Adults with cancer.




<3

1 comment:

  1. Ryan, it is good to see what you are doing. My husband died July 8th after a 28 month battle with GBM at the age of 38. Cancer is a lonely world and it is so nice to see someone like you sharing and encouraging others. I will continue to read your posts and follow you on your journey. Wishing you many clean MRI's. Emily Gamel

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