Grade IV Glioblastoma Multiforme

Day one.

For the last few days now I have been trying to figure out the best way to let all of my friends and family in on what is happening with me.  Well, I decided a blog would be the easiest and most efficient way to keep everyone in the loop.  I figure anyone who wants to know what is happening in my battle (which I am now referring to it by-since I know I can win battles) can just check out this blog.  And this will save me from telling the story 60000 times. :)  I am gonna update it with pictures, stories and all kinds of fun goodies to let you in on how much fun brain cancer is! :)

So here is the back story, for the last year+ I have had these random headaches and small bouts of confusion (basically for a minute or two I would have trouble concentrating or making sense of my thoughts.  I chalked it up to stress and not being where I want to be in my life at this time.  Well, once I got my new job and finally got insurance again, I decided to go have a check since it had been well over 3 years.  So I went in and talked to my doctor a bit and even waited till the very last second to ask about it- she said it is probably nothing, but referred for a CT scan of my brain just to be sure.  The CT scan took place Friday October 19th at 7 pm.  I did the scan, and as I walked out - the technician stopped me and said, "So you having headaches?"  To which I thought in my head, "Well smart guy, I am getting my brain scanned, chances are I am having headaches."  But simply replied "yes" instead.  To which he followed by asking, "The front left part of your head?"  To which I responded "Yea.............."  To which he responded, "Well I dont read these, Ill have to send it off and you will hear from your doctor on Monday or Tuesday."  .....Rad.  So now I get to go spend my whole weekend wondering how in the hell you knew exactly where my headaches were...  I tried not to put to much thought into it and I went about my weekend as best I could.  Monday rolls around and I am at work, I get a message from my Doctor, Dr. Tang who asks me to call her back immediately.  Uh oh....  So I call her back and I get the nurse, the nurse says, "I think Dr. Tang wants to talk to you directly."  This was when I knew I should brace for bad news when in the back of mind I knew it from the second I left that CT scan.  Dr. Tang got on the phone eventually and told me my scan came back irregular and I need to do an MRI immediately to see the tumor more clearly.  Yaaaaaay, just what any 27 year old man in seemingly perfect health wants to hear - "Sir, you have a tumor on your brain the size of a golf ball."  A golf ball?  A gold ball?  Were not talking about a peanut or a grape. A golf ball is pretty decent in size...  So after about a 30 minute shock session where I tried to let all of this sink in and telling my boss I need to take the rest of the day I was able to drive myself home.  I get to my house and my thoughts are spinning 200 million miles an hour and all I want to do is get on Google and start investigating (which I still have yet to do because I know it won't help anything)  I call my sisters, my dad and my awesome gf.  Those were the hardest phone calls I have ever had to make.  I could barely talk and I felt like I wasn't making sense.  Natashia came over and my dad came home from work so we could all be together and figure out what the next step is.  Shortly after I got a call from my Dr. and she said I have a stat MRI brain scan today (Tuesday) at 10am.  So after I found out I wasn't going in on the same day, I decided I could do one of two things, stay at home and think of all the 'what if's' or I can GO TO DISNEYLAND!  So clearly I was out the door as fast as I could grab my annual pass and my girlfriend.  The entire time it was in my head still and I could't stop thinking about it, nor could Natashia, but we made the best of a bad situation and had a nice little time.  We eventually wore ourselves out on rides and headed home.  Got back to Tasha's house and had the most restless night of sleep I have ever had in my life.  Woke up this morning and put my battle face on and headed to Kaiser which is where I now am starting to see I will be spending a lot of my upcoming time.  I checked in, waited a couple minutes and got my name called.  I went back and started my MRI - which for anyone who has never had one, it's kind of a strange thing.  You lay on a motorized bed, get wheeled into a tunnel and lay for about 30 minutes while it snaps up bits of information and translates that information into an image which is far more techy than I cared or even understood.  After the MRI I came out and initially thought I would just go home...  Well I guess that changed when the technician saw the image. I looked at it and got a picture - which will be posted on here - and yea, it was big.  YAAAY CANCER!  So the technician scurried me off to a random waiting room just outside the MRI area and said I should wait and see what the doctor says and leaves me.  In a room.  No bigger.  Than the size of a walk in closet...  I sat there for about a minute and said fuck this.  I couldnt even get any cell phone service in order to call my family and tell them what I was doing.  So I walked out and said you can find me in the waiting room, I am going to go and be with my family.  I waited in the waiting room for about 10 minutes then received a phone call from the receptionist area and it was my awesome Dr, Dr. Tang.  She said, well I don't have good news... (Was there ever going to be any?)  She said she wanted me to go to the ER and admit myself and have the on-call neuro surgeon look over my MRI.  She said it looks like it has swelled and I might need to get going on a treatment now.  YAAAAY CANCER!  So I say thank you kindly Dr. and I excuse myself, my father, Tasha and Maryanne and we head to the ER.  I am admitted into the ER (Fairly quickly from what I recall typical ER visits being) and the waiting game begins.  I see one doctor, who is just the ER doctor and he looks at the MRI and says we need to have a neuro surgeon look at this.  So they show it the on call nero surgeon (who happened to be in the middle of surgery with another dr) and she takes a moment out of her surgery to come down and talk to me.  She immediately says I don't need to be in the emergency room and that I can wait until Friday to see the surgeon who will be doing my procedure and treatment schedule.  YAAAY CANCER!  but wait.  Nobody has said cancer, so it could still just be a tumor, right????  Dr.'s response, I can't say for 100% certainty, but 99 out of 100 MRI's that look like yours are cancer.  Dang...  So that takes us up to now.  I am now home, trying to force feed myself since I have absolutely no appetite and will wait till Friday to find out anything more.  

I know I have the most amazing family and friends, you guys are the backbone I have always had supporting me.  I appreciate and kind words, prayers or mental hugs I can get.  This is bound to be a tough road, but I think if anyone can beat brain cancer (ew) than it would be me.  I know a lot of you will be wanting to call and check up, but for now I don't want to tell the story anymore.  If you wanna text or just say hi that is awesome, but I am trying to live in the now and not worry about what comes next until I am there.  I have gone through cancer with my mother and I know what I am going to have to deal with and I will try my hardest to be strong.  Every step of this way I will update this blog and keep everyone up to date as best I can.  Please share the link with anyone and feel free to share this with people I may not know.  I will share my story with anyone willing to listen and when this is all said and done, we are throwing the biggest baddest party this side of Mardi Gras.  (Or at least a cool dinner)  I love you all and thank you in advance for all you support, this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done, but I will be strong.  And guys, don't be all awkward around me now.  I might be sick, but I am still just Ryan.  I might start to lose my hair, but I look good bald anyways.  And I might loose a little weight, but all the girls will be jealous.  :)  Thank you so much to my amazing girlfriend Tahsa.  She has been strong like bull and taken the punches like a champ.  My dad, and step mom are going to be there for me every step on this battle and my crazy sisters are already trying to book flights home and we don't even know the surgery is yet!!  I am in no pain and the headaches aren't even happening right now so don't worry about that!  :)  

Let me leave you with a quote from the late, great Chris Farley, "In the land of skunks, those with only have a nose are king."  I don't know how that is relevant but I hope I made you smile after dropping all of this on you guys.  

Peace and love!!!

 The monster in my brain!!!!

...So you're saying I don't need to be here???  I put on my Sunday best for nothing?!?!