Saturday, July 20, 2013

The bittersweet summit.

I have been waiting for this moment for the last 2 months.  I am now halfway through treatment.  I have finished 6 rounds of chemotherapy.  The last 6 months have been the most amazing, dramatic, joyful, sad, happy, peaceful and maturing months of my entire life.  I have experienced and been through more in these past 6 months than some people do in their entire lifetime.  It has been a lot of bad with a million times as much good.  Incredible highs with collapsing and devastating lows.  The longest 6 months of my life.  6 months that have reshaped me for the rest of my life.  6 months that I will never forget.  6 months of pain, and 6 months of joy.  6 months down and 6 months to go.

Yesterday was quite bittersweet.  I had chemo in the morning which marked the halfway point of my treatment and buried an amazing women in the afternoon.  It was a long day to say the least.  The service was beautiful, emotional and the perfect ending to a life lived in happiness and love.  She left behind a loving family and a ton of friends.  I can only imagine how much fun she is having up in heaven now, kinda jealous.   She passed away from cancer.  One of my good friends is not feeling too well right now.  Because of cancer.  We lost an amazing 13 year old idol and hero to millions.  Because of cancer.  There has been tragedy, but there has also been some amazing things to come from all the devastation.  Nobody ever claimed that life was easy, not in the least.  But through all the bad there is so much more good.  That is why we wake up every morning, shower and go to a job we might not like very much.  We stress and worry, we complain and can't seem to get a lot of stuff right.  We see torture and pain all around us, but we carry on.  We do hard labor and mundane tasks to live on this earth.  Each day you pay a price and that price is a day of your life.  But through the punching in and punching out, if you look deep enough past all the crap and all the evil out there, there are millions of moments that make every minute of life worth all the nonsense we have to go through.  There is beauty all around us if we just open our eyes and block out all the crap so see it sometimes.

I started this blog as a way to communicate my progress through a tumor, which then led to my blog through my journey fighting cancer.  I have started to grow a small, but loyal audience and I thank you for following and supporting.  I think a big reason that you all keep up with me is because I am able to take this 'terminal cancer' and turn it into such a positive thing.  It truly changed my life for the better and I am able to joke around about it.  I never take my treatment too seriously and I can laugh about the pain instead of complain about it.  I don't think too many people take this approach and maybe that is the appeal, whatever it is I feel like I am getting too emotional and dramatic now.  I have been going through some tough stuff personally and the treatment has been a rollercoaster and it seems to be coming off in my writing now as well- I think, (don't know for sure because I don't really re-read my blogs, kinda just wing 'em for the most part.)  Spell check makes sure I don't sound illiterate and other than that I'm quite un filtered.

Going forward I want to go back to how I started this blog.  I want to make anyone who reads this laugh.  I want you guys to all be with me through this till the end.  I can check analytics on my blog and everyday on average over 150 people check my blog.  When I post that number is exceptionally higher.  It has been viewed almost 100,000 times in 6 months and  I can not thank everyone enough for simply reading these and checking up to make sure I am still doing well.  You guys are what keep me writing and I hope I am somehow helping you guys as well.

I have been waiting for this 6 month mark for a while now.  After today I will be on the downslope of treatment and in turn, a new 'normal' life.  The next 6 months will also be exceptionally awesome as LKF is already starting to catch some steam.  We are genuinely excited to continue this endeavor for a long time to come, but we will certainly need everyones help!  I love you all and if there is anything I can do for anyone who reads this please ask, and that is not an empty gesture.  If I can help, I will figure out a way to help.

Ryan Coffelt

This quote is dedicated to my father and for anyone who knows him will totally understand.

"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."
Issac Asimov

The day it all started, 20 minutes before my craniotomy.

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