The Journey

The longest and most stressful slash amazing year of my life has finally ended.  365 days ago at about 9am I found out I had a tumor in my brain.  That tumor turned out to be cancer.  That cancer turned out to be one of the worst cancers around.  A year ago marked the beginning of a new lifelong battle that has only just begun.  365 days ago I began a road that will shape how the rest of my life will be navigated.  When I speak to my close friends about the upcoming 'anniversary' they always comment on how fast the year went by.  For me, this past year seemed like it lasted 5.  I guess being on this side of the fence is a bit different, I am just glad it is finally over!  My progress with this cancer has put me into a very small population of people.  GBM's are notorious for regrowing quite rapidly and not a very large percentage of GBM patients go as long as I have without showing any signs of regrowth- lets pray this continues for anot...

It's been a few weeks since I last post and a stressful slash amazing few weeks they have been.  The last post I did was from Portland.  I was visiting my family up there enjoying one final trip to the Pacific Northwest before Summer officially ends.  It was an amazing trip filled with adventure, memories, amazing scenery and most of all love.  Not being able to drive to my sisters homes whenever I want just to chat is often times frustrating since we are all so close as a family.  Getting to see them always makes me whatever stresses or worries I have diminish and I am able to forget about the 'C word' for a little bit.  My last trip closed with some really tough news that I was not expecting at all. When I started this whole journey I was introduced to and met some amazing people, including some new friends from all over the world.  Obviously I have yet to meet a lot of them in person, but we often chat via e-mail or text.  The young adult can...

Staying sane while wandering the 'cancer road' is not that easy of a task.  I don't know how many of you have taken the time to read into the type of cancer I am currently fighting, but of the cancers that are out there GBM's are not the best option.  Obviously cancer is cancer and there is not a single one out there that is in anyway good, but GBM's are one of the more aggressive and deadly.  I try my hardest to not look at statistics and I go out of my way to not read anything regarding my ailment because 99% of the time it is just bad news, but sometimes it is unavoidable.  Today was one of those days. My last post was regarding one of the strongest persons I have ever met.  Lauren 'Lola' Scott taught me what strength is in a way nobody else could.  She didn't have the same cancer, but hers was just as bad.  She fought from the day she was a teenager until her departure at 16.  I started Little Kings to keep my mind...

People always immediately look for answers or justification when a tragedy happens.  We need closure or an answer.  We need to find meaning in things that seem so terrible or else it makes it that much harder to cope.  Lola's death is a tragedy.  It is terrible that such an amazing young women was taken so early.  But that is what death is, it is tragic by definition.  It is the ultimate end and the final period.  After my diagnosis I have looked at life very differently.  I now notice things and understand things that I may not have understood before.  Maybe it is just me looking for answers like everyone else, but the conclusion that I have come to is that everyone has a role to play in this little land we call Earth.  I could be wrong and probably am, but I believe we are all meat to do something here, there are the bad entities that try to stray us from our path and they are the ones who were lost on their path by someone or somethin...

I have been waiting for this moment for the last 2 months.  I am now halfway through treatment.  I have finished 6 rounds of chemotherapy.  The last 6 months have been the most amazing, dramatic, joyful, sad, happy, peaceful and maturing months of my entire life.  I have experienced and been through more in these past 6 months than some people do in their entire lifetime.  It has been a lot of bad with a million times as much good.  Incredible highs with collapsing and devastating lows.  The longest 6 months of my life.  6 months that have reshaped me for the rest of my life.  6 months that I will never forget.  6 months of pain, and 6 months of joy.  6 months down and 6 months to go. ________________________________________ Yesterday was quite bittersweet.  I had chemo in the morning which marked the halfway point of my treatment and buried an amazing women in the afternoon.  It was a long day to say the least. ...

When you are diagnosed your life changes and pretty quickly.  It's like an onslaught of anxiety, information, depression, acceptance, anger and every other emotion all mixed into a bag and left out to ferment.  The beginning is absolutely terrible, and then you start to find a routine.  You get a support system, you start your treatment and you start to feel comfortable in your new life.  You get used to getting poked by needles about 3 or 4 times a week.  You learn terms that most people couldn't pronounce without assistance, you learn all about blood tests, MRI scans, medical jargon and actually know what they mean.  Taking 75 or so pills A DAY doesn't seem all that bad after doing it for months on end.  You start to accept that for the most part, your life will never be the same. For me, I found direction and purpose, others aren't always so lucky and often others let their prognosis and diagnosis overwhelm them and give up.  Wha...

Visiting with Debbie a a couple days before she passed away I was brought back to my little one bedroom apartment where I took care of my mom for so long.  Seeing her lay in her bed all but in a coma with all same noises and the smell of sanitizers and medicines brought back a flood of memories.  All kinds of memories; good, bad, emotional and happy and sad.  Debbie was sick for a long time.  She fought like a true warrior and no matter how many of her vital organs decided to stop working, her heart was so strong that it refused to stop pumping the fluid of life through her veins.  Even after she said her last word, she laid there for a over a week motionless except for the few involuntary twitches brought on by neuropathy, tumors, medicine and who knows what else.  She remained strong until the end, as well as beautiful as the day I met her over 22 years ago.  If her head was not shaved she would have simply looked like she was sleeping. ...